Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Daily Blade. The Word of God is described as the sword of the Spirit, the primary spiritual weapon in the Christian's armor against the forces of evil. Your hosts are Joby Martin and Kyle Thompson, and they stand ready to equip men for the fight. Let's sharpen up.

Speaker 2: 0:20

All right guys, welcome to Wednesday. We have been talking about what to do with this unique strength that God has given us, and so yesterday we talked about like cultivating a sense of self, like understanding kind of the why beneath the surface of how we are, how we respond, what we react to, like a knowledge of my family, of origin, or why is it that I have no patience for this? What's the story back there? What am I telling myself in my mind? And now I want to talk through, really, the next two places that you and I were meant to cultivate, the next two places that we're meant to work. We're meant to cultivate the next two places that we're meant to work. So, if first is we've got to cultivate a sense of self, the second thing we see in scripture is that we're meant to cultivate a small team, and so most of us, that's going to be marriage, but also on top of that marriage, there must be a brotherhood that you and I have given ourselves over to. And, man, I know what it's like.

Speaker 2: 1:28

I turned 50 last June and if I think back on my life, I can recall these great friendships from childhood, man. They were built on play and proximity. I had my crew man and then life happened like work happened, marriage happened, kids happened, weariness happened and then boom. If we're not careful, our lives are marked by unwanted solitude and emotional isolation. And listen, all the data suggests that most of you who are listening to this right now, as men, are isolated and lonely. What's interesting in the data here is that it doesn't tend to make us grumpy. Most men who are in this state describe themselves as just feeling numb, but the Bible has a lot to say about brotherhood. Like Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12, two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts, for if either falls, his companion can lift him up, but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one person keep warm alone? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist warm. But how can one person keep warm alone? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist them. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

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There was this fascinating study that Harvard did. It started in 1934, and it's still going. It's called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. So what they did is they created a group of Harvard graduates and then these teenage boys from a low-income neighborhood in Boston and they measured everything everything brothers, dna, psychological problems, tracked, their marriage tracked, their deaths tracked, really just kind of followed them through life. It's still ongoing. Several of those men have actually donated their brains to science as a part of this study. And here's what they found tracking these guys' lives.

Speaker 2: 3:34

Strong relationships with other men matter more than anything else. They affect the outcomes of our lives more than IQ, social class or money. Of all the metrics researchers tracked, relationships clearly and definitively have the most bearing on men's satisfaction levels. It's actually they named it, it's called social fitness man that one of the books I've been taking guys through since it came out was the book Fighting Shadows by John Tyson and Jefferson Bethke, and they argue that men need proximity, they need unplanned interactions and they need vulnerability, like they need to go deep, and vulnerability is essential. If you're thinking I mean golf or fantasy football leagues or a hunting trip, then man, that's not quite right. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with those things. I think all three of those are gifts, although I'm not a big golf guy. But vulnerability is the key in these friendships, going below the line of being really honest about where we struggle, about where we're hopeful, about what's pissing us off right now, about what we're hoping for that seems out of our grasp.

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We just actually did a funeral here at the village church from a guy who was decently connected, had struggled with severe mental illness, decided not to let anyone know, so his wife knew, his family knew not even his wife's family knew of the darkness that haunted him and hunted him, and he just recently took his life. And I can't help but think, had he been willing, had he been willing to just let one of his guys in, like if he would have been willing to take that kind of foxhole mentality where bullets are flying and crap's exploding. I'm going to dive into this foxhole and I'm going to let somebody know, and so I want to encourage you, brothers, as you're cultivating a sense of self. I want you to find your guys. Find them. Find that King's table, find that older man that can speak life into you. Find that Joab that David had, that wants to conquer the mountain with you. Find that Jonathan, that lover of your soul. We need to cultivate a brotherhood around us that can strengthen us, flank us and protect us in the day of trouble.

Speaker 1: 6:08

Thank you for listening to today's episode Before you go. If you want to help equip other men for the fight, share this podcast around and leave us a five-star rating and review. Stay sharp.